y did u give ur computer a hand job?
look no pants
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
