I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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