I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
