from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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