I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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