so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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