ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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