I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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