dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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