Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
how drunk are you?
Several
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
