The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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