this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
