Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
