Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
