I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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