thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize