Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
