you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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