I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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