i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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