Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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