need another drink. this is the easiest way
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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