if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
