Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
