This is not my ceiling
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
