I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
