I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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