I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have feelings that need drinking.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
