Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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