I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
