He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
