I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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