Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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