my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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