I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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