Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
