She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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