It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
