quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
