An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
