What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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