How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
