Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Couch. On fire.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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