I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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