you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize