The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
