My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
