I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
