I wish my penis had an off switch
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
