I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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