Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
