Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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