...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
