We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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