I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
