12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
