omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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