Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
