Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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