He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
