I'm so fucking centered right now
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
