He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the liver wants what the liver wants
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
