I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
