Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
