Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize