So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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