so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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